Promoting a film these days takes more than a flashy trailer and a plug from Leno; You've gotta have media hype, or what I like to call "extracurricular marketing." Perhaps your lead actors are rumored to be drinking, or dating, or drugging. Those are all great angles. Even better, your film could find itself in the middle of the "Big C"... Controversy. Which brings me to this weeks over-hyped feature, "The Golden Compass."

Based on a novel that you and I have never read, The Golden Compass is the story of Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue Richards), a young girl faced with modest task of saving her world from tyranny and oppression. Armed with nothing more than a pat on the back, and a "alethiometer," a compass device that can answer any question put to it, Lyra's journey begins...IMMEDIATELY.  In fact, if you miss the first 2 minutes of the film, you won't have a clue what's going on. None-the-less, from what I gathered during this initial info force-feeding, it goes something like this:  In an alterante universe there exist a parallel earth in which talking polar bears rule the icy north, witches rule the sky, and where human souls manifest themselves as creature companions called “daemons.” However, in this magical realm there also exists a ruling party called the Magisterium, a heartless organization, hell-bent on authority and blind conformity, that uses fear and the suppression of free-will to retain it's power.

Got it?

Me neither.

Anyways, in an last ditch effort to save their world from the Vatican-like Magisterium (and their ruthless plan to do away with daemons) various clans unite and resist. Ultimately "The Golden Compass" proves to be an ambitious film that crumples under it's own weight. This is not to say that the film is a complete failure; the scenery is impressive, the action sequences are memorable, and Nicole Kidman is perfectly cast as the dashing – yet diabolical – Mrs. Coulter.  But as for the rest of the cast, such as Daniel Craig (Casino Royale), and Sam Elliot (Tombstone), they are, well...good enough. 

Sadly, for all its hype and high-definition "The Golden Compass" lacks the most vital element of all: enchantment. I mean, lets face it, in today's world no one is going to knocked off their feet by special effects and an epic score. To be great, a movie needs to be unique. It needs to be visionary. This movie is neither. 

I recommend this movie to those of you who enjoy eating popcorn, paying too much for candy, and listening to polar bears talk. But, to all you atheist out there: save your money. Because it's not so much that "The Golden Compass" is anti-god...it's just anti-good.